Domestic violence: The other  side
By DON CLAYBROOK Of the Advocate -
 
 Another arrest for domestic violence husband slaps wife, boyfriend punches out girlfriend, 290-pound pro football player throws 120-pound woman from balcony same old story, right? The male is always the aggressor and the female is always the victim. Not necessarily. According to some surveys, government statistic's confirm that almost 40 percent of all domestic violence victims in the United States are men.
 Shocked? Incredulous? Join the club. Most people would be dumbfounded by that statistic. Lori Bloom is not. She heads an organization in Fort Bragg called People's Alternatives to Violence (PAV) and has made it a crusade to change that stereotypical image, an image that stamps men as almost always the perpetrators of domestic violence.

 The classic view
 Traditionally, violence by  women against men has been viewed as minimal "It could not possibly have hurt him," or, it's justified as self-defense "She is the victim of his abuse." Many would contend that women have an easy way out in the "blame game" by claiming, "I am a victim of domestic violence and can do no wrong." Or, they claim, women cannot be guilty of domestic violence because they can assert little or no power and control over men. However, some experts in the field are beginning to view that logic as twisted.
 Domestic violence committed by men is typically viewed by women's victims' advocate groups as being characterized by a need on the man's part to assert power and control. Domestic violence might take the form of jokes and insults; or, it might involve mayhem or murder. Certainly the acts that constitute domestic violence range from the somewhat slight to the very severe, all serious. But the victims are not always women.

 According to Bloom, men have traditionally  been taught that it is important to be right and to win even at the expense of others. To be wrong or to back down is to be shamed. Domestic violence often occurs when a man gets angry in what he perceives to be a threatening situation. However, no one, male or female, states Bloom, deserves to be abused or treated with disrespect.

 A 'get tough' approach
 Affirmative action (informed and motivated by the classic view on domestic violence) has, in the opinion of many, led to laws that have created a clear gender bias. That bias in turn has permeated law enforcement's response to domestic conflict. A call to 911 brings out a fleet of squad cars eager to carry out today's "tough" domestic violence laws. The centerpiece of the domestic violence laws and the resultant enforcement seems to be mandatory arrest. And, the person arrested is almost always the man.
 According to some men's advocacy groups, a "no drop" policy by prosecutors  has become popular because it is a great publicity tool and because it also serves as a way to ensure more funding. The supposed victim, the woman, either does not file charges; or, the facts of the incident tend to point to her as the perpetrator of the domestic violence. Still, prosecutors maintain a "no drop" policy and file charges against the man.
 Oftentimes, according to one men's advocacy group, domestic violence is "whatever the man does that the woman doesn't like." He files for custody of the children and she sees that as a "threat." He demands that she stop having an affair and she calls the demand, "abuse."
 According to Lisa Scott, founding member of TABS (Taking Action against Bias in the System), "Any modern man not terrified of being in a relationship with a woman has not been paying attention."

 According to Scott, gender bias as promulgated by the federal government is always "bias against women." There seems to be little  recognition that bias could conceivably be "bias against men."

 The emerging view
 Many experts are beginning to see gender bias as a two-way street, at least a 60/40 street. And, if they are not up to speed in initiating legislation that would reflect the 60/40 split, they are at least fighting back and raising serious questions about the "gender bias" in most domestic violence legislation and prosecution.

 Bloom is one of those experts. Her resume is long and impressive and she is imminently qualified to speak against alleged abuses in her selected field. Her 52-week People's Alternatives to Violence classes offer anger-management options to men who are ordered by the court to undergo counseling as part of their sentencing.

 The classes are also open to men not referred by the court but who have chosen to eliminate physical and emotional violence in their lives. Each must admit that he has been unable to deal with  his anger by himself and must agree that he wants to stop acting violently and abusively toward others.

 Each man in Bloom's PAV classes must agree to learn the root causes of his anger and must also agree to take responsibility for his behavior. For those men ordered by the court to complete the classes, the program is considered an alternative, a privilege, and a diversion that allows him to avoid harsher court penalties while getting real help for his underlying problems. According to Bloom, there are no such classes on the coast for women.

 A still small voice
 Domestic violence is one of the many scourges and blights on the face of America. It perhaps can be compared to the American Civil War, arguably the most "uncivil" war ever waged. Domestic violence is like that. There is really nothing very domestic about it. It destroys homes, families, relationships, and careers. It is certainly one manifestation of a nation rife with  violence.

 Millions of Americans, men and women, are perpetrators/victims of domestic violence every year in the United States. Literally thousands in this country are becoming aware of the extent and nature of the problem. And a handful of people who are paying attention are starting to understand domestic violence as a "genderless" crime that requires a "genderless" approach and solution. Lori Bloom is one of the latter.